Saturday, April 2, 2011

Assertiveness - An Essential Communication Tool

The following is an excerpt from my eBook entitled, the Art, Value & Freedom of Assertiveness, which is currently available FREE OF CHARGE. To find out how to order YOUR copy, .


  • often find it difficult to say “no” to other’s requests or feel guilty when you do?
  • frequently feel undervalued and not appreciated?
  • generally find it difficult to set limits on other people's behaviour?
  • want to keep 'the peace' at all costs?
  • often feel like no-one cares about your needs and wants?
  • have the impression that other people are calling the shots in your life?
  • find it difficult to know how to react when others say “no” to your requests?
  • feel like you have to make up stories, manipulate or tell half-truths in order to get what you want or need?
  • frequently get angry with yourself for not speaking up when you know you should?
  • feel resentful of people (especially your loved ones) because they seem to take you, and all you do for them, for granted?
  • usually put up and shut up until you blow up?

Assertiveness - What Is It?

Assertiveness is:

  • a communication style that allows you to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, needs and wants in a direct, open and non-apologetic way while demonstrating respect for others’ rights to their feelings, opinions needs and wants.
  • a behaviour style that requires taking responsibility for your actions whilst allowing others to have control over theirs.
  • a ‘way of being’ that assigns as much legitimacy, value and worth to your own needs as it does to other people's.

What Assertiveness Is Not!

People often misunderstand the meaning of assertiveness and think that it is a form of aggression. Before you read on it is vital you understand that:

Assertiveness IS NOT Aggression!

Aggression is a destructive way of communicating anger in a physically,

emotionally or verbally abusive fashion. Aggression is often birthed by low selfesteem,

parental role modeling, a lack of ability to see the damaging effect it

has on others or an inability to recognise its negative consequences.

Simplistically, an aggressive communication or behaviour style can be

considered as ‘getting MY way no matter what!’ In contrast, the motivation of

assertiveness is ‘being equally respectful of MY rights as I am of YOURS’.

Depending on your background, your early experiences and your personal

way of viewing the word, assertiveness can be a rather difficult concept to

grasp. To gain a better understanding of the differences between aggressive,

passive and assertive communication styles, click on

Learning assertiveness skills is vital for both those who lean more towards a

passive style and those whose communication and behaviour styles are more

of an aggressive nature. This eBook focuses primarily on assisting those

whose style is predominantly passive or passive-aggressive.

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